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Being present is important. If we aren’t present, then we cannot engage in life and respond to what is in front of us. Paying attention can be hard for a lot of people. It takes a special type of resilience to interface with the moment and what the moment might require. In my work as a Counselor and Behavior Therapist, I start most of my sessions with clients with mindfulness practice. We sit quietly and transition from whatever happened before the session and orient to the moment; focusing solely on breathe. Most people tend to chuckle and at times push back relaying feeling a bit awkward sitting with another person and just breathing without talking even for a few minutes. I can understand how this might feel a bit odd, as we don’t get much opportunity to practice just “being” in a quiet space alone or with another. When we do, the mind starts to go and run its’ “thought ticker” one thought after another. In the world of meditation, this is referred to as the “monkey mind.” Rambling, “Monkey mind “thoughts do not get judged as negative. Being able to notice them and to observe the mind is deemed skillfully positive – identifying the content, patterns and habits that tend to drive as I put it “the behavioral bus.” It is when we know what is there that we can develop the ability to discern how to move forward. So, why would we make time to be quiet and focus on breathing? As Jon Kabat-Zinn says, because “Our lives depend on it!” Mindfulness helps with focus through cultivating full attention. Mindfulness helps us “show up” to life and to be able to see and accept things for what they truly are so that we can respond effectively.

Mindfulness helps separate fact from fiction.

There is a biological basis supporting the value of cultivating mindfulness and attention. Studies at the University of Wisconsin have shown that anxious and depressed people have different brain activity. They had an overactive right prefrontal cortex associated with certain types of negative affect accompanied by increased vigilance to threat-related cues, a symptom that often occurs with anxiety. After practicing mindfulness, the left prefrontal cortex “the feel good centers” became more active. Another study with high-tech office workers showed right frontal to left frontal changes in activation along with improved mood, more engagement in daily activities and more hardy immune systems. Studies have also shown that Tibetan monks who had extensive experience practicing mindfulness had the least anxiety and depression as well as the most positive measures of well-being. Massachusetts General Hospital studies have also shown that mindfulness decreased the amygdala’s emotional reactivity and increased the brain’s capacity for reason, planning, and executive function. Perhaps this is a robust case for investing the energy be more mindful and using “down time” to “tune in” versus “tuning out.” Positive habits inside create positive habits outside.

While it can be sad to leave summer behind, autumn brings with it gifts of its’ own; it’s vibrant tapestry of color, comforting foods, soups, chili and pumpkin pie, and the smell of fireplaces burning on a crisp evening.  Autumn, however, can be challenging on a health and energy level for many people.  As the days grow shorter, and there is less daylight, many people start to feel “down”, depressed or depleted of energy.  The transition into the colder months can be especially hard for people with mood problems, addictions, chronic pain and other persistent medical and mental health conditions. I hear this each year from clients and callers in my counseling practice in Chester County and Philadelphia, PA.

While season change can be tough, one doesn’t have to suffer. There are skills that we can use to reduce the likelihood of negative emotions and mood states – To prevent emotions from controlling our thoughts and actions.

Our ability to self-manage plays a key role in our physical and mental well-being; hence self-management skills are very important to our functioning. While some of these skills may seem like common sense or perhaps you are already doing them, you more than likely will find that you need to tend to a couple of them.

I use the Dialectical Behavior Therapy, Emotion Regulation skill for Reducing Emotional Vulnerability in my work with people with depression, anxiety, and other difficulties.

Marsha Linehan, Ph.D. pioneer of DBT uses the acronym of “PLEASE MASTER”  as a way of remembering these skills.

treat PhysicaL illness

balance Eating

avoid mood-Altering drugs

balance Sleep

get Exercise

build M A S T E R y

If we are feeling unwell, hungry and undernourished, fatigued, drinking too much alcohol, don’t move around or get much exercise or aren’t doing something in our day that gives us a sense of mastery or accomplishment, we are more likely to be vulnerable to negative emotions including low energy. We are also more apt to experience or see the negative rather than the positive in situations, less able to cope and manage interactions in a skillful manner.

Tips:

• If you are prescribed medication, take it as directed. Many people don’t. Symptoms tend to resurface under stress including season change. Issues that are persistent require ongoing treatment.
• Stay away from sugar, caffeine, excess carbs and processed foods. Try to eat organic and whole foods. It takes the body a lot of energies to metabolize unnatural foods and to work through the overstimulation and insulin spike ignited by sugars, caffeine and carbs.
• Don’t drink alcohol. Alcohol is a depressant. It also affects sleep.
• Build in an extra half hour of sleep at night – Get to bed earlier.
• Get outside and take a walk each day in the sunshine; even if its’ during lunchtime during the workday. Movement boosts endorphins and vitamin D (from sunlight) is related to mood, outlook and energy.
• Make sure you do something each day that makes you feel competent and in control of your life – Something that feeds your future. Taking care of the business of your life supports self-esteem and confidence.

Everything we do for ourselves counts – A lot. Through taking care of ourselves, we inoculate ourselves from negativity, ill health as well as being non-productive.

“It’s not selfish to love yourself, take care of yourself, and to make your happiness a priority. It’s necessary.” – Mandy Hale

Well, thoughts make for well behaviors. It is hard to be sick or to feel “unwell”  in mind that is balanced and positive. Optimism is well thinking and increases positive mood, moral, persistence while increasing creativity and the ability to solve-problems. It is very needed, especially in our complex world.

Optimism can get a bad rap. Perhaps, some of us have known people who possessed blind optimism – looking at the bright side of things at any cost – All the while discounting another’s personal pain. This can feel immensely invalidating. This type of blind optimism is often another person’s defense against what they deem negative and unacceptable – What they cannot tolerate. It can be wounding to another, however. I hear this often in my counseling practice in West Chester and Chestnut Hill, Philadelphia, PA. I work with people who suffer mood problems, anxiety, or have challenging personality traits and  teach them skills to become more flexible and resourceful. However, it can be hard for some people to accept being more optimistic and open because others have made light of their pain and tried to reframe issues and problems in an unhelpful way. Taking an optimistic view can feel like giving in or making the other people “right.” This can become quite a dilemma – a real set up.

The Fear of Disappointment

Each one of us has unique talents and strengths. However, we often focus on our less developed parts of ourselves rather than maximizing our strengths. Perhaps this comes from fear of lack in that if we have all the bases covered we can be prevent anything “bad” from happening. Of course, this is a form of self-protection often manifesting as perfectionism. Much like a performance review whereby accomplishments are acknowledged, but, then there is that one “opportunity for growth” which stands of like a demerit igniting alarm bells. What happens to the accomplishments? Yes, they get lost and the perceived negative gains complete focus.

What gets in the way of being more optimistic? Perhaps, it is not fear of trying or failing, as much as it is a disappointment. Disappointment can feel heavy and be a letdown. In fact, perhaps it is not as much the fear of things not turning out as planned as it is the difficulty accepting the feeling of disappointment. Time after time disappointment can erode at mood and outlook. It can weave into the fabric of a person’s personality. This is what makes change so hard – Although not impossible! Just to be optimistic of course. It takes time a dedication to increasing optimism. Pessimistic thoughts need to be identified and replaced by more optimistic ones, based in reality. This means that optimistic thoughts must have depth, purpose and value – Not be repetitive “fake it til you make it” talk.

Just like we talked about in last week’s blog on pessimism – We develop a lens based on our world view. Through that lens, we filter information in support of that view.

Choosing a Lens: Positive or Negative

Here’s a snapshot of the difference between optimism and pessimism –

Suppose you are scheduled to meet a colleague for lunch to talk about an important piece of business. You are waiting, and she is late and not answering her cell phone. By the time, 20 minutes pass you notice some pessimistic thoughts:

– “She is not interested and blew me off.”

– “I was duped.”

– “This was not a priority and she forgot.”

There is a choice here, on how to think about this situation. You may tell yourself instead:

– “Something must have come up or is in the way of her getting here and in the car and can’t answer the phone.”

– “I am sure there is a good reason for her not being here or being here yet. I am sure she will be apologetic.”

– “She is human and maybe she genuinely forgot.”

The optimistic thoughts leave more room for moving forward with the relationship. They are less personal and upsetting. They are more kind to both parties, while preserving self-esteem and possibilities. They keep people’s character and integrity intact. Optimistic thoughts also put less pressure on our bodies and less strain on our central nervous system.

Not to mention many times it is more important to be kind rather than right – Open rather than “decided” and forgiving rather than just. It gives us all more room to “be.”

Ahhh…Summertime.  There’s nothing like those long summer days, starting with glorious sunny mornings, hot lazy afternoons, and extended time outside through light-filled evenings.  If we slow down and notice, we respond internally to the nuances of the season.  Perhaps we notice an increased sense of well-being or less stress, even if dealing with tough issues involving clinical or mental health.  But, summer is short and can fly by – It is July 4th weekend already!

It is important to be mindful of where we are time-wise and to be aware of taking advantage of what the season has to offer.  Sometimes, we Americans are not too good at enjoyment with our work orientation and busy schedules.  In fact, it is noted that we are the second most overworked country in the world!

So, instead of waiting to unwind and relax on vacation, why not learn to have a bit of vacation every day?  Yes, you heard me – vacation every day!  That means integrating relaxation and enjoyment into each day – being in the moment and noticing the beauty around us, releasing stress, being more present to others and more available for pleasurable activities.  This can indeed be done – that is, with a bit of a shift of mindset as well as willingness to experiment with new ways of living – learning to recreate, being more experiential, and taking loving care of ourselves through soothing our senses.  These skills help us make for a well-rounded lifestyle and increased quality of life.

Recreation vs. Recuperation

Americans take much less time off for vacation and pleasure.  This is probably no surprise for any of us as we know that it can be tough to take the time to get away.  But there is a price to be paid for not taking time off or overworking.  For instance, have you ever had the experience of overworking over a long period of time and then take time off, only to get sick?  By the time vacation came around, it was too late.  You may have planned to recreate but your body needed to recuperate.  When we overwork and live disconnected from ourselves, we tend to operate on empty and there is no energy for fun, recreation, and leisure.  We can even forget who we really are!  Time off then becomes more about recuperating from exhaustion, irritability, and poor lifestyle habits – sort of like a short-term rehab!  This is totally different from recreation which is about movement, play, interacting, laughing, and creating.

Recreating is actually needed and is productive – much like play is not only about fun for children, but is necessary in order to complete brain development.  Recreating and its associated healthy activities help us grow and become more expansive and whole, both neurologically as well as emotionally.  Perhaps that is what is meant by the old saying “All work and no play makes Jack a dull boy.”

Watching vs. Experiencing

One evening last summer I was standing on the deck at the beach on the Cape anticipating the sunset.  It was a beautiful evening, clear and warm with a gentle breeze blowing through the dunes.  Some other people started to gather as well.  The sun started to make its descent.  Some of the people were talking and seemed to be more engaged in the topics at hand.  However, this is what they missed – As the sun slowly set, there were wondrous hues of orange, pink, lavender, gold, and shades of blue streaming across the evening sky.  The sun grew deeper in color from orange to fire red.  The ocean seemed to grow louder as its waves hit the shore.  The wind picked up a bit and the temperature dropped.  Then the sun dropped under the horizon and the night sky emerged.  Day literally turned into night.  Amazing!

There is a distinct difference between watching as an observer versus experiencing it as a participant.  Watching is passive and non-connective – sort of being there but not fully engaged, or looking from the outside in.  Experiencing is about being completely present with our whole self or whole body – being one with the experience at hand.  In the instance of the sunset the experience was about allowing the colors, sounds, and other qualities to touch us emotionally, physically, and mentally – being authentically moved internally by beauty and wonder – noticing the interconnectedness in nature and all things.  Unless one is paying full attention and is completely focused, the moment-to-moment changes pass right by and the process goes unnoticed.  Thinking is not experiencing.  If anything, thinking takes us away from reality and the moments at hand.

What might we change if we were to tune into others more often and truly listen with our whole bodies?  Or, notice the day when we walk outside for the first time in the morning?  Or, tune into what we ourselves are saying, eating, thinking?  Essentially, what if we were to notice the details as well as the depth of each moment?  Do you tend to watch or experience?

Relaxation Soothing with the Five Senses

Self-soothing is a key part of self-care.  The goal of self-soothing is to comfort you emotionally and physically by doing things that are sensually pleasant and not harmful.  Self-soothing is a mindfulness practice when you are focusing your full attention on the feelings being experienced by your five senses. By being fully present on what you are experiencing in the moment, you will be able to get you outside of your head and away from troubling thoughts, feelings, and impulses.

Here are some ideas on how you can practice self-soothing this summer:

Vision: Plant a colorful flower garden or arrange potted plants on your deck or balcony. Watch the birds in your feeder and notice the different types and colors. Shop at a local farm market for vegetables and take time to notice the look of the fresh vegetables. Notice the colors and shape.

Hearing: Take a few minutes in the morning as you wake up to listen to the birds singing outside. Listen to the sound of the summer rain. Attend an outdoor summer concert and spend the evening listening to some pleasant music.

Smell: When driving through wooded areas put the windows of your car down and smell the sweetness of the honeysuckle. When you are in your garden, literally take time to “smell the roses!” Plant an herbal garden including basil, parsley, mint, and sage. Be sure to pick some to use in cooking and smell the freshness.

Taste:  Take a pause and take in the taste of a fresh summer peach or other fruit of your liking. Tune into the taste. Take time to chew and taste your barbequed meal noticing the many flavors. When drinking an iced tea, slow down and taste it – don’t gulp!

Touch:  When outside put your face up to the sun – close your eyes and feel its warmth on your face. If on the beach, feel the sand between your toes and the feel of the ocean as you walk along the shoreline. Feel the texture of the soil when planting flowers or vegetables.

Try making time every day to pay attention to these summer pleasures.  Take them in and notice your response.  Pay attention to what happens within your body.  It would be interesting to hear about what you learned when you look back and reflect on your summer.

Do you suffer depression or have unstable mood, problems with your appetite, weight, or chronic pain? If so, how you much sleep do you get per night? – Probably not much or as much as you need.
In fact, it is estimated that approximately 70% of Americans are sleep deprived.

In my counseling practice I work with many clients who are trying to improve their mood and increase their ability to control their behavior with food, alcohol or decrease reactivity when angry or having strong feelings. They are getting just a few hours per night. Five or six hours just doesn’t cut it!

I often hear that people do not have time to sleep or that they cannot sleep – Either way, lack of sleep impacts our ability to function safely and effectively.

How can we expect to feel well and perform through the day if we do not sleep well enough at night?
There are quite a few “sleep deterrents” as I call them, which contribute to ongoing sleep problems.

Some of these include:

– Staying up too late surfing on-line instead of going to bed.
– Completing last minute procrastinated tasks
– Catching up on work email or projects.
– Texting, emailing and social media activity.
– Watching television and “tuning out.”
– Eating too late with no time to digest.
– Anxiety and worry about the next day or “life” in general.

Technology is a big culprit! Without solid boundaries, it steals time and can interfere with self-care. It also creates an illusion of connection between people, and we are social creatures – We tend to get drawn in!

I recommend that my clients to shut off all technology about 1-2 hours before bedtime – including television. Replacing technology with pleasant music, aromatherapy, candles or some other soothing sense based ritual can be helpful – And, of course, to do them repeatedly over time.

It takes time to learn to calm down and wind down.

There needs to be time to prepare for sleep – This is called sleep hygiene. These are the habits throughout the day and the time before bedtime that set the foreground for healthy sleep. It is about creating a mind-set of sleep.

Being aware of the impact of sugar, caffeine, alcohol on the ability to sleep is of key importance – Cut these out before bedtime. Also, that technology is stimulating and has a bigger effect on the ability to sleep than we might think.

All of these small changes add up to better health as sleep is just as important as food!

Sleep is medicine. It is a restorative process which keeps the human body maintained and “tuned” in order to be able to function safely and effectively. During the night we are going through stages of sleep whereby the body is recalibrating biochemically, which helps the body reset and be ready to interface with the challenges of the next day.

Lack of quality sleep can impact the quality of our lives. In fact, it can create as well as worsen many problems – It can decrease resiliency and make conditions ripe for impulsivity, moodiness, relapse on alcohol, and food cravings. It can also contribute to other problems with blood sugar, heart and more.

When we sleep through the night that important body functions are happening. The body is replenishing and repairing itself. Part of this process involves the natural lowering of the stress hormone cortisol. This helps us be able to be refreshed and recharged and ready to take on the challenges of the next day.

Lowering cortisol is also necessary to be able to have behavioral control over our impulses. It also has an impact on metabolism and weight control. If we do not get adequate sleep, we are more likely to gain weight.

So, if you are not sleeping well – What’s keeping you up at night?