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Healing: Forbearance and Resulting Gifts

Our world has become fast, furious and bottom line oriented. Technology tools like texting, emailing, Face-Time, SKYPE, on-line shopping and others set an expectation that we are all accessible 24/7 with no “wait time.” Our expectations for quick response can be almost addictive and our dependency on these technologies an addiction. Regardless, we have become “trained” to expect immediate response – It is easy to lose sight of process and that all things take their own time.

Healing is a process not an event. Recovery and healing from addiction, depression, chronic pain, distress/ burnout and other medical issues take time. These issues tend to take longer in the making and therefor are not quick to resolve — Paying attention to the nuances of these conditions and healing is important to be able to recognize progress and sustain motivation. This is where forbearance comes into play.

Forbearance is a form of patience – tolerance or self-control, especially in not responding to provocation. Forbearance requires refraining from action: the fact of deliberately not doing or saying something when you could do or say it. This is not the same as shutting down or repressing one self, but consciously choosing to suppress action in favor of the overall good of the situation. Forbearance is necessary in life and a quality that comes with maturity and wisdom. As we get older we often come to see that we have little control over many things that happen, and that we need to find other ways to cope which go beyond “grinning and baring” or resisting and pushing through circumstances. Through forbearance we often learn more about ourselves and the process of life.

Forbearance is another learning that sounds simple but is not easy! But it is worth developing as we learn to understand ourselves, our behavior patterns, assumptions, and motivations. We also learn about others, and the overarching process of how things work in the world and how the pieces come together in their own timing. This helps with learning to be more relaxed and present in the moment and not be over-focused on the future at the expense of living more fully right now. We also learn to be more patient and accepting of ourselves and others, and be the kind of people with whom others feel safe and enjoy spending time. And, of course, our efforts and goals have more opportunity to be completed.

In order to get and to stay well staying centered, in the moment, organized and balanced is required. This may sound immensely simple but again, not easy! In behavior therapy we learn how to develop skills to focus and be more mindful (less reactive), process difficult emotions, tolerate and cope with distress and to advocate for ourselves in a graceful and effective manner. By increasing our life skills in these areas we decrease the stress and pressure on our bodies, freeing up energy for improved functioning and well-being. We establish the roots of health and wellbeing – http://myintegratedtx.com/our-philosophy/.

Healing vs. Cure

“When am I going to feel better?” “When are things going to change?” These are questions most of us ask when we are uncomfortable or when life presents us with an illness, disability, or loss – some sort of crisis that we did not ask for that for but came our way. There are times in life when we want change and often need change to happen in order to establish or restore well-being. However, as adults who have been around a while, perhaps we know that change is a process not an event. That there is no real “cure” to our problems or conditions – But, our desire for things to be fixed can keep us searching for immediate solutions and attached to false expectations, reinforcing and prolonging our discomfort.

Although “cure” is intermingled in the definition of healing, healing means something very different than merely “curing” or eradicating illness or disease, but restoring to balance, repairing, and returning to soundness. Healing often has more to do with emotions and a sense of safety; fostered by self- respect and control, and having positive people and conditions in one’s life. Healing requires the deeper work of change involving reflection, self-examination and acceptance of what was and is. This type of settlement prepares the foreground for health and life-long well-being, the type of inner comfort and satisfaction that most of us long for and see in others who we deem “enlightened,” but often do not know how to attain for ourselves. Healing is necessary for any lasting change to take place.

Image by Demion (CC BY 2.0) via flickr